Nine almost guaranteed tips on how to get your spine on the operating table

08.03.2015

Years of research and information gathering bear fruit, and today we can reveal the recipe on how to devastate your own spine. If these tips will not put you directly on the operating table, they will at least help you to reach it in sight. Most of the tips I have personally tested on my own body and have successfully worked out to an operational state. The operation did not happen in the end however.

And here they are the tips:

1. Stop moving - you have a sedentary job and a car? Great, it means that the vast majority of the time you are sitting nearly motionless and that's what your spine hates! If you carefully avoid all movements such as walking, you are on your way to becoming familiar with the latest surgical procedures, especially on the lumbar spine.

2. Consume miracle drugs - something from your dealer that is a widely known for some guaranteed means of losing weight / stress relief / treatment of pain / detoxification / etc. (cross off what is not applicable) and it is up to you which you choose to fool your body with. Do not limit your fantasy and flush down one remedy with the other and thereby adding to the delusion. Using various remedies is an elegant way to convince yourself that you're doing something for your health, because of all the money you ultimately invest in yourself.

3. Deal with the problems of other people - and always solve their problems; let yourself be drawn into any discussion in which it is absolutely clear that it will be devoted to searching for a particular solution for all sorts of constantly perpetuating injustices. As needed, feel sorry for that person and listen to his or her problems, he or she does not want to accept any advice for, even a thousand times! It is scientifically proven that notorious complainants can, for their constant whines, gradually destroy the health of everyone, even if the one was deaf and blind.

4. Reject healthy lifestyle - eating a small portion of a diversified diet 5 times a day? No aspirant for spine surgery would accept that, because he knows that it is the best to either not to eat at all during the day and clean out the fridge in the evening, or eat constantly anything and everything. So our aspirant can be identified by the fact that he is healthy 20-30 kg overweight, holds a hamburger in one hand and banana milkshake in the other. Keep in mind that every kilogram of genetic weight counts and the more, the greater the burden on the spine. And that's what we want, right?

5. Let any crap bother you - Will there be a war in Ukraine? Will there not? Wasn't pepper on sale? The snow plowers didn't clear the snow away again? The neighbors' dog is barking as if it was being served alive? Well done. Let all this be a unique source of vexation and stress for you. As we all know, stress is a tension that somatises and contracts muscles, muscles pull the vertebrates, they push the disks, then disks press the nerves and it hurts which is stressful even more and the loop is now closed! The smaller crap, the greater discomfort. A real macho in this area can be upset by beautiful sunny morning, for example, because the "blue sky looks like kitsch, yuck." Just go ahead and look for something stupid, I am sure you will find something in your place, and then let it bother you as much as possible; your neurosurgeon will thank you.

6. Use pills to solve any pain - if something starts hurting you, in any event, do not start exercising. It is strongly recommended to start your treatment with a pill, preferably a painkiller. Did you know that these pills actually do not attenuate pain, but block the action of certain neurotransmitters? What does that mean? Who cares; the important thing is they suppress pain and pain is actually a defense mechanism of the body. By turning it off, you make a great service to your plan to end up on the operating table. In addition to that, the chemicals in tablets burden your stomach, liver, pancreas and intestines, all of which are organs that are being innervated from the thoracic spine. Is it not hurting yet? Munch on your pills, soon it will.

7. Buy priced mattresses and pillows - they have a similar effect on the human psyche as the above-mentioned remedies. Just convince yourself that by buying expensive aids for sleep, you do for your spine what it needs. Way to go, just follow the latest trends and at least three times a year change your bedroom furniture. And do not even think about pulling all those things upstairs by yourself - there are other people to do that for you!

8. Avoid relaxation - everyone who meditates, attends wellness studios, saunas, fitness centres, digs in the garden, or just reads, runs the risk that he or she will not follow through not only to the operating table, but even to the professional examination and that is unacceptable! You must not rest even for a second, your mind must constantly employ repetitive pathological thoughts full of fear, anger, and tension. Constantly carry your phone and do not to turn it off even during sleep, because there is no more beautiful stress than when your drunk friend's voice wakes up in the middle of the night and on your question of why the hell he is calling, you hear his murmur: "Cuz ya have yer shellphone on, hic".

9. Do not, under any circumstances, exercise - this is the most important thing I have kept for last. This is a key condition, and pay it the proper attention please. DO NOT, but really do not, in any case, do any exercise. However bad you feel, do not let yourself even think about, for example, stretching. As a matter of fact, exercise strengthens the muscular system holding your skeleton. It is absolutely essential that you have avoided any physical activity, since it also helps in the production of substances such as endorphin, enkephalin, serotonin and other x chemicals that have sedative and healing properties. Failure to observe this may result in the local neurosurgeon losing a hefty bill for your operation!

If you know of any more tips that can help others in their development of degenerative diseases, do not hesitate to share them with us. Ďalšie články nájdete tu

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